This interesting article covers two topics I speak on in one tidy post. The fact that constructive, necessary Negative Thinking isn’t being taught to the younger generations. This excerpt about how the reality of what “truths” we tell our children to make them feel better shows can blow up in their unexpected faces sums it up nicely.
The ultimate problem with inflated self-esteem, Twenge said, is that it can end with a painful reckoning. Alex Ortiz knows what that feels like.
As she grew up in Elmhurst, softball was her life. She had played since age 4, adoring the game and the bonds she formed with her teammates. Her e-mail address started with the handle “Softballgrl.”
She was good too — or so her coaches had always told her. But then she got to York, where claiming a place on the freshman team meant surviving the cuts that followed a three-day tryout.
She didn’t make it. Distraught, she gave up the game.
“I went from being told, ‘You’re good, you’re good,’ to getting told I’m not really good,” said Ortiz, 16, who will be a junior in the fall. “It kind of crushed me. It felt like (earlier coaches) had been lying to me.”
Others, though, say they embraced their reality checks. Rovi, the lackadaisical honor student, said she soon accepted the fairness of her C, realizing it was a better grade than her minimal effort deserved. It spurred her to work harder, she said, and she ended up graduating as an Illinois State Scholar.
Does this mean when our kids aren’t great at something we need to tell them they suck? Of course not. But by letting them know what they are good at and what they need to work on is immensely helpful. It instills pride from overcoming obstacles as well as give a nice dose of humility. Something sorely lacking in most people in general, nevermind our children.
