Here’s a topic that I actually address in my own self-help book “Half a Glass: The Realist’s Guide”  (not my choice, the publisher categorized it as self-help, I always thought and still do, that it’s a great management book!) as well as my “Getting a Grip on Negativity” keynote. I strongly believe this and I find many people tend to agree:

Most self-help books are crap!

They only distract from and delay growth.

Do they all suck? Of course not but the most popular ones are the quick-fix oriented ones, like “The Secret”. Want the real secret?? The secret is to write a vague book with no accountability, no real action plan other than wishing and rake in dough. The “4 Hour Work Week”? The book took me 5 hours to read! And then it pretty much lays out a plan of outsourcing your life at a considerable cost. So yeah, if you make $500,000 a year, you can work 4 hours a week by delegating and outsourcing. “Who moved my Cheese?” I did. What are you going to do about it? The book claims most people, absent their vital cheese, would whine and die of starvation, but I know in Texas we’d find the person, shoot them, drag them back onto our property and take our cheese back. Or go look for other cheese.  That would work too.

As this article from the Daily Mail points out:

In his book Sham: How The Self-Help  Movement Made America Helpless, author Steve Salerno argues that there are huge costs associated with the public acceptance of the self-help movement.

Buying into the overblown claims such books make, he argues, can lead to you blaming yourself for failure when you don’t achieve the  outcome you hoped for — and avoiding treatments that actually work. I tend to agree.

Furthermore, very little of the advice offered in self-help books has been tested scientifically, despite the fact that there are ways to do so. Indeed, there have been many good scientific studies on how to become happier

There are plenty of great books out there. But not one has an all-in-one easy fix. And certainly there are more books out there that are more about making you feel like you can do something than give the tools to help you actually do something.

If it sounds to good (or easy) to be true…guess what? Yeah, it is. Self-improvement takes work, a real thought out plan of attack. I think the “Motivation” poster from Despair Inc. sums it up nicely:

If a pretty poster (or book) and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

What say you? What books do you think hurt, help or stand out in some way?

Being the go to guy on negative thinking for many of my friends and colleagues, I often get sent articles from various sources on negativity. Some are from acquaintences who don’t know me very well yet feel compelled to send articles on how I’m wrong. Others are from other speakers or friends sending articles that agree with my ideas or shines a light on a topic I might like incorporate into my programs. Today, I got dozens of tweets and emails on this one particular article from FastCompany.com Heidi Grant Halvorson Ph.D. titled How “Positive” Thinking Sets You Up To Fail“. She hits many of the points I talk about everyday but I wanted to highlight a particular part that I thought was spot on:

In fact, study after study shows that people who think not only about their dreams, but about the obstacles that lie in the way of realizing their dreams–who visualize the steps they will take to make success happen, rather than just the success itself–vastly outperform those who sit back and wait for the universe to reward them for all their positive thinking. Whether it’s starting a relationship with your secret crush, landing a job, recovering from major surgery, or losing weight, research shows that if you don’t keep it real you’re going to be really screwed.

A new set of studies by NYU psychologists Heather Barry Kappes and Gabriele Oettingen offers insight into why this kind of thinking isn’t just useless, but actually sets you up for failure. These researchers found that people who imagined an uncertain and challenging future reported feeling significantly more energized, and accomplished much more, than those who idealized their future. The purely “positive” thinkers’ lower energy levels even showed up in objective, physiological measurements. (Ironically, these studies showed that the more important it was to the participant that the dream come true, the more idealizing sapped their motivation!)

Kappes and Oettingen argue that when we focus solely on imagining the future of our dreams, our minds enjoy and indulge in those images as if they are real. They might be reachable, realistic dreams or impossible, unrealistic ones, but none of that matters because we don’t bother to think about the odds of getting there or the hurdles that will have to be overcome. We’re too busy enjoying the fantasy.

 I don’t have any letters after my name, but it’s refreshing to see “negative” thinking is working it’s way into the mainstream in positive ways. 

If you’d like to read my take on the subject of negative thinking, you can get my book “Half a Glass: The Realist’s Guide” or head over to the books website http://www.therealistsguide.com and download the introduction.

In case you missed it (and if the ratings are any indication, you have) ABC is cancelling two longtime daytime soaps “All My Children” and “One Life to Live”. This sent many viewers into a tizzy. In fact, the soap opera viewers decided to go to the Queen of Daytime, Oprah Winfrey, to see if she could save these failing shows. She’s on daytime (for now), she’s got a network that is always looking for new programming for women (The O Network…she’s got an ego, that Oprah)  she’s often doing great things for charities and gives stuff away to her viewers. She’s the one to save the Soaps!! So hundreds of people started flooding Oprah’s email (I think it’s Oprah@Oprah.oprah) so she could flex her media muscles.

But even the all powerful Oprah can utilize negative thinking now and again to know her limits. Oprah didn’t become a media powerhouse by supporting failing projects or by pouring money into proven losers (or even fact-checking her Book Club books). She can see that to try and save these Soaps are beyond her power. She even says so herself:

Knowing your limits and making clear, honest assessments of situations, projects and possibilities is how successful people stay successful. It’s okay to say “No” ( another negative staple) to things that others may champion but you yourself do not believe in. Some things, even after decades of success, eventually end. And even Oprah knows that you don’t have to jump onto a sinking ship.

So think about what you can and what you CAN’T do when someone asks for help. If you can help, feel free to. But if you can’t, like Oprah can’t save these sinking soaps, don’t feel obligated. Oprah doesn’t…neither should you.

Robert Bradford with Center for Simplified Strategic Planning joins Craig this week and in this battle of wits, Craig is severely outgunned.

The two talk failure, the inherent risks of strategy, the multi-talented, all-purpose “widget” and a bit more into pricing than Craig is comfortable with. It’s Ivy League meets Out-of-his League on this latest podcast.

Self-esteem: Teens feel great about themselves — but are they headed for a fall? – chicagotribune.com.

This interesting article covers two topics I speak on in one tidy post. The fact that constructive, necessary Negative Thinking isn’t being taught to the younger generations.  This excerpt about how the reality of what “truths” we tell our children to make them feel better shows can blow up in their unexpected faces sums it up nicely.

The ultimate problem with inflated self-esteem, Twenge said, is that it can end with a painful reckoning. Alex Ortiz knows what that feels like.

As she grew up in Elmhurst, softball was her life. She had played since age 4, adoring the game and the bonds she formed with her teammates. Her e-mail address started with the handle “Softballgrl.”

She was good too — or so her coaches had always told her. But then she got to York, where claiming a place on the freshman team meant surviving the cuts that followed a three-day tryout.

She didn’t make it. Distraught, she gave up the game.

“I went from being told, ‘You’re good, you’re good,’ to getting told I’m not really good,” said Ortiz, 16, who will be a junior in the fall. “It kind of crushed me. It felt like (earlier coaches) had been lying to me.”

Others, though, say they embraced their reality checks. Rovi, the lackadaisical honor student, said she soon accepted the fairness of her C, realizing it was a better grade than her minimal effort deserved. It spurred her to work harder, she said, and she ended up graduating as an Illinois State Scholar.

Does this mean when our kids aren’t great at something we need to tell them they suck? Of course not. But by letting them know what they are good at and what they need to work on is immensely helpful. It instills pride from overcoming obstacles as well as give a nice dose of humility. Something sorely lacking in most people in general, nevermind our children.

Here is part 2 of Stepen Colbert’s recent visit to Houston’s Johnson Space Center to train…just in case.

As seen here in the past, even wildly popular TV show host Stephen Colbert can see the necessity of planning for the worst and never assuming a sweet gig like his will always be there. Recently (unbeknownst to me!) Stephen came down to Houston’s Johnson Space Center to train…just in case.

Since the Biography Channel is showing “Jaws: The Inside Story” I thought I would repost one of my favorite examples of working with what you got and sometime creating things better than you thought due to bad circumstances.

Steven Spielberg has always been a director I have admired. His ability to craft a film has few if any equals. But one of the most famous Hollywood failures sent him skyrocketing from “talented young director” to “master of the art.”

No, it’s not 1941.

It was in fact Jaws.

Jaws? The movie that made almost $470 million worldwide is a failure? The movie that invented the “blockbuster”, an utter disaster? Uh…no.

But multiple failures during the production of the movie made it even better than planned. Who is the main culprit of this failure? A shark named Bruce.

See, Bruce the Mechanical Shark is not unlike many Hollywood megastars. Moody, uncooperative, demanding of attention. But it is the fact that Bruce the Mechanical Shark failed continuously that led to the changes that made Jaws such a special movie.

From Wikipedia:

To some degree, the delays in the production proved serendipitous. The script was refined during production, and the unreliable mechanical sharks forced Spielberg to shoot most of the scenes with the shark only hinted at. For example, for much of the shark hunt its location is represented by the floating yellow barrels. This forced restraint is widely thought to have increased the suspense of these scenes, giving it a Hitchcockian tone.[

And what a fortunate misfortune! By adapting and changing his goals to fit the reality of the situation in front of him, Spielberg was cornered into rethinking shot selections, other ways of telling the same story with the limited resources he had available to him.

So sometimes accept the failures as steering mechanisms. Look for alternatives to your goal.

There is rarely only one way to get something done.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zkYRD51I34

Originally posted October 8th, 2007.

This post should have been Friday’s. But with my schedule, I usually have no idea what holiday it is until I find out something I need is closed. As far as Americans are concerned, let’s talk about the most important failure of all: Christopher Columbus! Today is a day to celebrate man’s refusal to ask for directions, a day to celebrate someone “discovering” a place with people already live, a place that was actually discovered hundreds of years earlier by someone else. It the most screwed up holiday of all! From Wikipedia.org:

Columbus’ voyages across the Atlantic Ocean began a European effort at exploration and colonization of the Western Hemisphere. While history places great significance on his first voyage of 1492, he did not actually reach the mainland until his third voyage in 1498. He discovered the island accidentally while trying to find an alternative route to India, hence the Native Americans being called “Indians”. Likewise, he was not the earliest European explorer to reach the Americas, and there are accounts of European transatlantic contact prior to 1492.

So let’s celebrate one of the most fortunate failures in American history. Fortunate for everyone except the Native Indians, I guess.

But, hey, let’s not let that ruin a day off.

Sorry gang, the book in the title of this post is not mine.

Negative thinking is everywhere. I try to show others how it can be used for positive results. Normally, other speakers I have met, especially ones who deal with trying to maintain a positive attitude, don’t like my topic at all. They won’t take the time to consider what I’m talking about has value because quite frankly it opposes they happy-happy joy-joy bullshistic (that’s my word = holisitic+bullsh*t) mentality that I find annoying and unrealistic. Then there is the Kim and Jason. These two are the most positive people you could ever meet, yet understand the need and value of negative thinking. They talk about Adultitis and their new book “There’s an Adult in my Soup” is a collection of essays about how we as adults need to act more childlike. But like any good soup, it is peppered (see what I did there?) with examples of how negative thinking can allow you to be happier and enjoy life more.

Don’t believe it? Jason and Kim have allowed me this exclusive excerpt of the book you won’t find anywhere else that shows that being perfect is a lost cause:

You Are in Perpetual Beta Mode
by Jason Kotecki

Digital marketer Steve Rubel offered up the concept of life being a perpetual beta. For those of you non-techies out there, according to Wikipedia, “beta” is a concept used in the software industry to identify the first version of a program to be released outside the organization or community that develops the software, for the purposes of evaluation and testing.

Simply put, if it’s in beta mode, it ain’t perfect. Life is in perpetual beta. What a great reminder to us all, especially those of us who struggle with the Adultitis- driven tendencies to 1) consider ourselves perfect, 2) strive to be perfect, or 3) at the very least, appear to be perfect.

Kids don’t have any qualms about not being perfect. It doesn’t seem to bother them much. They color outside the lines, spill things from time to time, and aren’t all that concerned with wearing clothes that actually match. If they were serious about being perfect, I suppose they’d never learn how to walk or ride a bike (too much falling down).

Somewhere along the line, we get the idea that we have to have things figured out, and that everything has to go perfectly. We don’t give ourselves permission to make mistakes, we throw tantrums when other people don’t perform up to our standards, and we refrain from trying new things for fear that we might look foolish.

All this adds up to lots of stress and unhappiness.

We were taught growing up that nobody’s perfect, and yet we live our lives as though we should be. Should we strive to do the best that we can? Of course. But don’t kill yourself for perfection, because it ain’t gonna happen. (Wow! Two instances of the non-word ain’t in one article!—Make that THREE!)

I guarantee you’ll stress less if you keep in mind that you’re always in beta mode. Because as my friend Eliz Greene says, “It’s not about perfection, it’s about moving in the right direction.”

Negative thinking for positive results is about not being afraid to making mistakes, not trying to be perfect. Understanding that life is not always going to go as planned and that you don’t have to be another “Stepford” child who must be this ideal every second will make your life free of Adultitis.

How has negative thinking made your life less stressful? Let me know and you could win a copy of “There’s an Adult In My Soup”. I will give 1 copy of Kim and Jason’s new book to the best answer! Either post a comment here at the blog or email me at Craig@speakercraigprice.com.